I have been smoking for about ten years which doesn't sound to bad until I remind you I am only 23. I don't even know why I started. And I don't know why I haven't quite yet. I don't like smoking, I hate the smell, I know I must stink, I hate having to go outside multiple times a day for a cigarette, I know the damage I am doing to myself by smoking... All that and I still have not quit?
I have cut down to 2 draws of a cigarette a day before but could not actually quit. I know that sound silly needing that little but it's true.
On Wednesday I took the plunge and went to the chemist for something to help me quit. Previously I had tried the patches, the nasal sprays, the mists, the inhalators but with no luck. This time round I opted to go for the patches once again with the lozenges. So Thursday was a fresh start, I could pop my patch on first thing and hopefully quit.
I'd always been started on level two which is for lighter smokers and this time round I got level one and it made me realise they should have been starting me on level one(Level one is basically for those who smoke more than 20 a day) each time I have tried to quit.
Usually I get really, for want of a better word, pissy. I am an emotionally wreck when I quit, I can't handle not having the nicotine in my system and I crave and I crave and I crave. But with level one, I don't know if I'm craving but I know I miss the routine of making and going out for a cigarette.
Well, writing this post is actually making me crave but that's just because I'm thinking about smoking.
Also, this time round Michael and I have tried to quit together. Previously we've never had the will power to quit at the same time and it's basically impossible to quit smoking when you live with a smoker. He's a week or so ahead on my with his quitting and he's doing great.
There is so many reasons I want to quit smoking. I want to live a long and happy life. And a few superficial reasons like my teeth, I don't want horrible teeth falling out and brown, ugh. My stress levels will reduce dramatically and I'm like, the most stressed out person that has ever graced this planet. There is just so much 'what ifs' when it comes to smoking...
What if my son remembers me smoking and thinks it's ok to start himself?
What if I start look like I am 70 when I am 40?
What if I get a horrible illness from smoking and I can't play with my son?
What if I have grandchildren and I've smoked myself to an early grave and I have never met them?
I should be able to suffer a few months of quitting smoking for all these reasons, shouldn't I?
This post is to remind myself to do this. Any time I feel like I want a cigarette, I will read over that last paragraph and I show myself that it isn't worth it. It's only been 34-ish hours since my last cigarette but to me that is an achievement and the first step to my journey of a better and smoke free life.